Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
what day is it and did you see me today?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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