I think i peed on brittanys purse
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
how does that bad decision feel?
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