i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
