he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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