my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
