everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
