I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
