I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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