super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
