She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She bit a glass in half.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
