I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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