im so drunk with asians
where?
always
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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