Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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