I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
