he shaved USA in his pubs
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
