She's JV to your varsity
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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