i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
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He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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