The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
