i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
