So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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