If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
