The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
