I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
