she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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