Who wears a wallet chain?!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
