I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
