Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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