so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
