i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
