Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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