There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
