do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think people are normalizing furries
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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