the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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