I want to make a zoo with you.
where am i from again
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
