her facebook's as public as her vagina
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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