I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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