Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
