you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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