You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
