You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize