Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
