Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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