After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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