Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He kissed a someone with a penis
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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