Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
