That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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