i'm signing you up for texting rehab
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
