hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
