I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize