i already hear my dad disowning me
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
