Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
