Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize