what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
