feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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