By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.