Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend