Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
