you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
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They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
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He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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