I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.