it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it hurts more in the daytime
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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