My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
