so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Randomize
