I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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