I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
