There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
